Entering Exam Hell

Exams start this week and even though I'm so stressed about them in a way I don't really care anymore. I mean I can't seem to get myself to care enough to do anything (like study or revise my essays that are due soon). I know this sounds weird, but I'm feeling kind of burnt out lately. I'm just very tired recently and have major eye pain, with the blurry vision and headaches (too much computer time, I suppose). I don't know why I can't motivate myself to do the things I need to do. I feel like I'm on some kind of systems shut down, which although is possible is most unlikely. *sighs* I just want to go home and not have to worry about school anymore. Oh well, such is life and this is exam time.

Countdown to Break

Thanksgiving break is almost here and I'm soooooo happy! I can't wait to go home and see my friends in Charlotte. I can't wait for the food, oh the food that will be had! I still don't exactly know what my mom and I will be doing for Thanksgiving but whatever we do it better involve large quantities of food. So now all I can do is study all I can, get all I can get done here finished and count down the days 'til home. Wheeeee Home!

Panikku!

I can't take it anymore, all the pressure is just building up. I have so much to do and I can't do it all! If I think about it, I started to hyper-ventilate like I'm doing now and can't think. But if I don't think about it, I don't think about it and get further and further behind. Where is my happy medium! I swear I'm working my way into another breakdown. *owww* Now my chest is hurting again. I can't think any more!!!

Exam

I can't seem to remember my kanji! They all keep slipping out of my brain! Why, brain, why do you betray me! Anyway, I have a kanji test on Tuesday that I'm not really ready for, no matter what I try to do. The tests always make me nervous even if I already know the stuff. *sigh* Guess the only thing I can do is study untill I forget everything else but kanji....

Long (somewhat) weekend

Last friday, my african american studies teacher told us we wouldn't have class on Monday, so now I kind of have a long weekend. I'm sooooooo happy about that! I need more rest and Thanksgiving is too far away. It was supposed to be a restful time and most times it was but with Jess and Jacci around that doesn't usually last. I'm grateful for that though because rest is nice but it gets boring after a while. Still I can't wait for Thanksgiving and all the yummy food. mmmm food.... Anyway, that's all I've got to say right now. Wonder what tomorrow will bring.

Sick weekend

Well, I've made it through another weekend. Poor Jess is sick with something and now we've been just trying to get her better. We were suppose to have guest over yesterday but they didn't show up, so we're not worrying about it, it was probably for the best. I can't wait for Fall Break! I'm glad for a relaxing weekend though, the more rest the better. I just hope my immune system can hold up against all the illness.

Days rolling by

These days seem to get slower and slower, I don't know why. I can't wait until I can finally go home and visit my mother, since I didn't get to Labor Day weekend, because of the gas prices. I'm so freaking tired and I don't really know why (ok, maybe it had something to do with staying up until 1 in the morning). I've not been sleeping too great, so I guess tiredness should be expected. I really am a part of Extreme Tiredness, huh? Anyway, I can't wait to watch Supernatural tonight. It seems like a really interesting show. Jess and I sit and talk about what we think is going on in the story and what tale it comes from. Very interactive show for us, but we'll miss the beginning of it because we have a dorm hall meeting at 9. *sigh* Oh well, nothing else really to report. Catch ya'll later!

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mother's birthday and I just want to say thanks to her. Without her, there would be no me. And no matter how sad I get that thought alone is enough. I love my mom very much!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!

Hmmm

Labor Day weekend is coming and I must say that I'm excited to be going home. I miss it very much and I need a break. My body keeps betraying me and everything. I just want to relax and think a little while. I have so much work to do and I don't know how I'm going to do it. Oh well, vacation is not so far away.

Lost

I don't know what's going on. Today was just a very draining day for me. I don't know what I'm doing anymore and the things that used to make me happy don't really anymore. I don't know what's going on. I've tired resting and tired to cheer myself up but it's not working. Also my body seems to be acting in response to my feelings with irregular heart beats, numbness and pain. I just feel so lost, like I don't know what I'm suppose to do. I'm not happy anymore and I already dread going to some of my classes. I'm just confused now and I don't know why.

Lazy Weekend

Now that I'm back at school I'm more tired then ever, so this is going to be one of those lazy weekends of rest and relaxation. I'm kind of glad though, I get to sleep and get my homework done, as well as getting my story started for my Writing Fiction class. All in all this is most likely for the best, though I do get lonely here all by myself. Oh well, I'm just going to kick back and see what comes my way.

Back to School again

Well, tomorrow I make my way back to school to begin an all new semester of challenges. I'm so nervous, everything just seems to be piling up and it just seems like too much. Money, packing, being bugged by my dad, and my heart condition are all starting to take their toll on me. Sometime I wonder if I should be in school but I do want to be there. But still I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing there and that makes me worry, shouldn't I at least have some idea what I want to do? I'll probably stop worrying when I get to school but for now my mind won't stop working.

Summer Job Hunt Bummer

I can't take the rejection anymore. Why does no one want me to work for them?! I can't get a break at all, it just... hurts. I wish I had a car so that I could go further because the bus system here in Charlotte sucks, like REALLY sucks. You have to walk like half the way to any place before you can even find a bus stop. I know I can't give up looking for a job because we need the money but all my oppritunities are dying before my very eyes. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAHH! It's Exam Time

I can't take it, I'm not ready! Sure I want to go home but if this is the only way... I hate exams although the now classes is fun. I know, I know I didn't come to college to just sit around with my friends though that would be nice. Anyway, I must suffer though this so that I can be done with this semester and more on to my next year. I just want to go home and see my family for a little while. *sigh* Oh well, this won't take too long.

What I am

You're Element is Night. You're a bit of a loner
loner who is very creative but never show your
work to anyone. You may smile a little but
sadness or loneliness surround you and other
can feel it when they're near you. You have a
dark or unusual beauty that makes you
mysterious and you probably have a lot of
secrets that you've never told anyone. You're
beauty is intriging and unorthidox but the real
thing that makes you special is your eyes.
Something in them makes them like Diamonds in
the Rough. (please forgive me if you cannot see
the pics. If you go to my userpage then you can
see your result picture at the bottom)


What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
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Happy Birthday, Terri

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday happy birthday,
happy birthday to you.

And I wish you many more to come.

P.S. You're old now!!

Sitting here doing nothing... and loving it

A boring weekend, normally I'd hate these but this time... well I need the rest. I have the dorm room to myself and I'm trying to make the most of it. I've watched movies and eaten Chinese food and just kind of vegged out. Mainly it's cuz I know I have a lot to do next week. With all the tests and my big assignments due and my katakana book due as well. I know I'm coming to the end of this semester and hopefully the beginning of a new one in August. So here is to a lazy weekend, cuz there might not be anymore.

from my newest story

For people who know me this is a common phrase but I started in new story and since I'm away from my computer I put this little segment here till I get back and stuff so her is a piece for now:

The world, a crazy mixed up place

From Caira's point of view
Part of Strange Adventures

I guess that I should have expected everything to go wrong but silly me I hoped things would be normal or at least something remotely like it. After sitting with an advisor who didn't listen to a word I said, I began to figure out that things were just going to get worst from there. I thought that it couldn't get any worst but then I found that my only friend, Vana, on the entire campus didn't want to be my roommate. She said that college was about new growing experiences and making the most of it all. Now that I think about it, if I hadn't mentioned that I was going to this school too and her gasped reply that so was she, we wouldn't even be here together. Then it hit me that Vana was trying to get away from me. Of course, that was a real bring down. I even think she thought I was following her even though I didn't know what school she was going to until that day. Now here I am, unwanted and alone in a strange place, far from my home. My parents thought it would be good for me to go away for college and not be right with them. To 'build my independence away from them and become my own woman' as they say.

So now I sit in a dorm I don't want, alone on a strange campus waiting for my stranger roommate. All in the name of 'new experience and expanding my horizon', in my opinion my horizons are expanded as far as they will go.

Random Thoughts of Me

I had a really weird dream with singing and everything last night. This is just one of the songs that's kind of stuck in my head, sung by some bird women. I can't remember all of it but if I do I'll add it. Any way here it is:

Songbird
I’m just a little songbird
I sing of what I see
I can’t know what is out there
Beyond the bars I see

I’m just a little songbird
I think of open skies
I wonder what is outside
Beyond the window’s eyes

I’m a little songbird
I’m swinging to and fro
I’m staying inside my cage
I’ve no where else to go

I’m just a little songbird
I know I'm safer here
I don’t know what is out there
I’d better never leave

I’m a little songbird
I know I’ll never roam
I know the truth about it all
The world is not my home.

Where has the snow gone?

Where is my freakin' snow? Everything around us has like at least a foot of snow. But oh no, not us, we get rain. Lot and lot of cold dreary rain. WHY??!!!! All I want is some snow, that's all I ask for some nice snow. Doesn't have to be get-you-out-of-class snow either (though that would be nice), just some collective flurries would do just nicely. But we get nothing, zip and it's killing me! I just want some freakin' SNOW! Is that too much to ask, Mother Nature?

The endless week

I'm so glad that it's finally the weekend. It seems everyone I know is just so tired, so out of it. All I want to do is rest but I know that that isn't all I can do. I look at the clock and my eyes drift close as I finally have time to even really sit down today. But I can't sleep all weekend away, can I? I know I can't.

Apparently what I am

You have a Lost Soul. No one is really sure what
that can always mean, because it can be defined
in many ways. As Legend goes, lost souls were
the spirits of passed away people who are
neither in heaven nor hell. They walk the
earth, brooding mysteriously, always appearing
when you expect it least. So hence, if you have
a Lost Soul, then you are probably very
insecure and shy. Stuck in your own little box,
you watch the world fly by as a loner. You dont
know your place. You seemingly dont have a
place in society or an interest. You are a very
capricious person, and are confused and
frustrated about where you belong. You crave
for the sense and feeling of home-but have not
obtained it yet.

What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
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Of course for Animazement this year I've decide to go as Himemiya Anthy from Revolutionary Girl Utena. I know I have alot of work ahead of me but I really want to do this. So, wish me luck!! 

A New Year

I can't believe it's a whole new year and that I lived through it all. I really didn't think I would make it this year but yeah I did, thank you Jesus! Any way, now that 2004 is over, I wonder what the new year has in store for all of us. Of course I can't tell the future so I will never know, but still it would be nice to know if I should stay indoors all year or not. Along with a new year comes all new decisions and that in itself is difficult. Oh well, I guess you really can only take it one day at a time! Well, for all of you out there, have a happy and wonderful New Year!