It's been a while... part 3

It has not been as long as it was from the last update, but not much has changed. Still unemployed and what not. August 31st, my Nana passed away; although I'm sad, I find this experience not quite as painful or jarring as when David passed away. With the anniversary of his passing coming soon, I don't know how Mom or I will feel in the times to come.

I find myself feeling just as hollow and as lost as I did the previous year. A feeling of standing and knowing the rug is about to be pulled from under me, but still unprepared. I'm very confused.

... Even with time things haven't changed much, the anniversary of David's passing has come and gone and with that time a different heartache has come. November 20th my Grandma passed away ending her long battle with cancer, so I lost both my grandmother's in the same year. Even though these passings weren't as shocking as David's it was still very jarring.

I'm kind of feeling hollow that the only things I have to write about are the deaths of my family members...

It's been a while... part 2

I've got to get better at these updates. I guess the reason it takes so long is that things don't usually change that much between post. I'm still unemployed and looking for work (although I might have an opportunity if I can get comfortable with the idea and the skills). Financial issues are still looming over our heads and the anniversary of David's passing is coming up. I think the only thing that changed in between all that was the passing of my great Aunt Emma (who I miss very much), she passed a few weeks after her 100th birthday. I really dislike how all my main updates are pretty much downers, but it is what it is. Hopefully something really good will come our way. Maybe something good will come every one's way :-).

It's been a while...

A bit of time has passed since my last update. The shock of David's death still hasn't passed and I know it's suppose to get better with time, but right now I just feel numb. Some times I will laughing and joking and the next moment I feel like I want to scream and cry. I can only let time go by.

He's gone...

My brother, David, passed today. He was pronounced brain dead last week, but today his body finally left us as well...

And more time passess...

Another gap in time. This year feels like it's been the longest yet. So much has happened, with my Nana, and now my brother is in the hospital. My mother went to go stay with him until he wakes up, so I'm here with Nana. Though it hasn't been that bad, our friends and family are such wonderful people and have been great help and comfort while all this is happening. I'm just hoping and praying that David is OK, and that he wakes up soon and problem free.

Been so long...

Nothing much has changed on the job front, but a lot has happened with my family. I'm feeling more than a little emotionally drained and I know my family is. I just hope that things get better soon.

Brand New Year

Some time has passed since I've updated and I felt the need to, though there hasn't been much change. I'm still looking for work and some kind of health care with my heart issue (among other problems). I'm hoping this year will be better though. Since the start of the writing group I have been writing a bit more, but my mind keeps going places in the story I don't want it to. Oh well, I know at least the fact that I'm writing more and I have people to read it and stuff is a good thing. Maybe I can finally get a story out there in the world and feel accomplished, something I've wanted to feel for a while now.

Holidays Approaching

*sighs* The holidays are coming and I STILL don't have a job. Soon I'll have to pay off college loans and with a heart disorder and possible reoccurring blood disorder, I don't have any medical coverage in case something happens (let alone for my medications). All this is just making me depressed...

Birthdays

So many birthdays are happening around the same time,
August 28th - the birthday of my wonderful, Nana
August 29th - the birthday of my dear friend, Jess
September 1st - the birthday of my big brother, David
and September 12th - the birthday of my amazing Mom

So much going on within a few days for each other, hmm ... I hope I haven't forgotten any one...

It's been a while

Well, I'm out of school as the time will tell and I walked in May *sighs*. I've still got no idea what I want to do, all I know is I need a job and well, I just feel like I need help in general. I'm 23 years old and almost consumed by fear of the unknown. I'm very open minded, but a very closed off person. I just don't even want to think of, if the day should comes, where I might become too afraid to walk outside my door...

Just Stuff

I don't know why, but I'm putting some stuff up, just because I can.

This is from the random January snow we had. I was really out of it that day (not that that is really very different to how I normally feel). With this video, I also really, truly realize how much Jess and I sound alike.

St. Patrick's Day

Oh, and before I forget:
Happy St. Patrick's Day

The Second Half

So Spring Break has passed and I was grateful for it, I missed home and my mom. I know I have to figure out how to get it together before it's too late. I want to graduate somewhat on time and I need to get advice, but I don't really know where to go. I've set myself back, I can't decide what I want to do after this is over (although I know I'm not going right into graduate school, it would just be too much). *sighs* Oh well, I've got to come up with some kind of plan or something... and soon.

A New Year

So, another year has gone by and we now are in a new one: 2008. I don't know what this year has in store, but all I can hope is that if there is bad, that the good outweigh it and that I can learn something from it. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I can hear a clock ticking, what or whose time is ticking away I don't know, but it's there and a little annoying. And of course in tradition, I start this new year off with a cold *sighs*.

Happy Holidays!

Wow, the year has gone by pretty quickly! Christmas is almost upon us all. Yesterday, we had the party here at home and it was a lot of fun; lots of people, lots of food, lots of music, lots of booze. I think we end up with double the liquor and beer stock that we had last year. I think someone even took their unopened one back and all I could think was "thank you". All that alcohol just sitting there... Anyway, we made too much food again (I think the left overs will be Christmas dinner) and we have a enitre half a Black Forest cake that was sooooooooo good, I know I'm going to end up shaming myself again. My Nana (whose here for Christmas) kept trying to give more of it away, but no such luck. But it was really nice and everything and I can't believe Monday is Christmas Eve. It has all happened so fast... soon I'll be going back to school for what is hopefully my last semester *sighs*. Time flies...ne?

All Over for Now...

Well, the semester is over for now *sighs*. I'm really tired and I just know I didn't do that great. I miss home and I really need to think over this break. I suck...

As Thanksgiving Comes Around...

*sighs* Although I am very excited for the break, I can't help being more than a little anxious. The faster the holidays come, the sooner my deadlines come. I've just got so much to do and I really feel like I'm far, far behind everyone else in my class. It's like I know what what I'm supposed to be doing, but I can't see how to do it. I have a full draft due tomorrow for my history class and I have a sort of outline for it, but I can't seem to fill it in. So I end up staring at this paper that I've been trying to work on and figure out and I end up with nothing. I can't afford to fail this class because I need it to graduate. And now I've got all these stabby pains in my chest and my sides. I don't know what I'm going to do...

Stress

OK, wow, I haven't updated this in a while. Then again, I have been really busy this semester. With two 500 level classes, one of which is research and writing intensive, I haven't had a lot of time to type much of anything else (no matter how hard I try to). I just can't seem to get it together though, and my focus is all shot. I can't seem to absorb the material I read either and it is just really messing me up. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I have too much to do to let it crush me now. And of course, now I have a headache *sighs* I need a break, NOW!

Packing up and moving on

So all this week I've (sort of) spent packing up my stuff and move in day is almost here. Tomorrow, we leave early so I can get all my stuff in, get anything extra that I might need, Mom can head back home and rest, and I can get my school issues squared away. Another semester is really almost upon me and I'm a bit excited, but no that much. I just have to slip back into the old routine (in a new and hopefully better way, of course) and deal with it all. Here is hoping for a good school year (my last school year).

School Looms Around the Corner

The month is ending and soon school will be back in session. I can't believe this vacation went by so quickly. I don't know how much had changed internally, but a lot had happened this summer. My internship with the United Way is going well, I actually really like it there. And although I know I didn't make much of a difference, I'd like to think it made a difference in me. Soon it will be over and I will be facing new challenges, but maybe this semester I will handle better than my last.